rants

ok i know i haven't blogged in almost a year. i miss it. i miss checking it to see other ppls comments. i miss reading about lives of ppl i have never and will probably never meet. but i really need to vent and this is the best place to do it b/c no one reads this anymore!

i'm old. 41 now. and very unhappy with my weight. but so not willing to do anything about it. and i try wayyy to hard to make ppl like me. and they surface like me but don't really try to get to know me. know what i mean? i am a great friend. i love to talk but i'm very good at listening too. and i like to get to know people. not in a nosy way just in a way so i can remember to ask them about things that are important in their lives. because i CARE!! but people don't really seem to want to get to know me that way. there are several girls at church that i really like. i mean they are super sweet people and i consider them friends but i just don't get that they want to be involved with me on a deeper level than "hey how you doing"? which hurts my heart b/c i am there when they need something. and i have proof of that. but when i need something from them, nada. and not anything huge, just a play date or something. nothing. i don't think i'm a bad person. maybe i talk too much. maybe i am nosy. maybe i don't make a good friend. i don't know. i'm just sad. and i guess i spend too much time on facebook.