Thursday, April 8, 2010

rants

ok i know i haven't blogged in almost a year. i miss it. i miss checking it to see other ppls comments. i miss reading about lives of ppl i have never and will probably never meet. but i really need to vent and this is the best place to do it b/c no one reads this anymore!

i'm old. 41 now. and very unhappy with my weight. but so not willing to do anything about it. and i try wayyy to hard to make ppl like me. and they surface like me but don't really try to get to know me. know what i mean? i am a great friend. i love to talk but i'm very good at listening too. and i like to get to know people. not in a nosy way just in a way so i can remember to ask them about things that are important in their lives. because i CARE!! but people don't really seem to want to get to know me that way. there are several girls at church that i really like. i mean they are super sweet people and i consider them friends but i just don't get that they want to be involved with me on a deeper level than "hey how you doing"? which hurts my heart b/c i am there when they need something. and i have proof of that. but when i need something from them, nada. and not anything huge, just a play date or something. nothing. i don't think i'm a bad person. maybe i talk too much. maybe i am nosy. maybe i don't make a good friend. i don't know. i'm just sad. and i guess i spend too much time on facebook.

4 comments:

Femme au Foyer said...

I love you and I think you're cool and I certainly don't think that you're old (after all, that would make me old too). I mean it. Every time I am lucky enough to spend time with you I leave thinking, "What a cool, nice, normal person." It's certainly not you--it's them. I promise, sweet girl! You have a beautiful heart and somehow, some way it will pay off.

Melek said...

i'm crying. crying because you're hurt. crying because people are missing out on how wonderful, funny and caring you are. crying because you think that means something is wrong with you, when it's not.

and unfortunately, this is cyclical. i think that when this happens, it makes you sad, which leads you to eat/drink, which puts on weight, which makes you anxious and sad, and maybe people see that or feel that you're not happy with yourself, which may make them be standoffish, which makes you sad, which leads you to eat/drink....

we talked about this today, and i know it's not something that's going to be easy, but i think you may have to mark some of those people off your list for a while. not necessarily permanently, but just for a bit. what you may find is that when you don't make your self so available, people start noticing, and I'm betting they'll start making an effort on their end. and if they don't, then F them! they don't deserve your time.

and I know it's a lot easier for me to type that up than for you to have to act on it. but i think it's something you need to do to find out if this person(s) is actually a friend you need to hold on to. s/he may not be. and if not, then you can spend your time on your real friends, the ones you know you can count on. like me. :)

i love you.

kay said...

hey you weren't supposed to be reading this! i thought no one was anymore.

but thanks guys. i love you both

Brianne said...

I LOVE YOU KAY! DON'T EVER FORGET THAT! WHO CARES ABOUT ANYONE ELSE? I'M AWESOME ENOUGH FOR THEM ALL! lol JK