Friday, March 14, 2008

i am S.A.D

i'm sorry it's been so long since i have actually posted something besides a picture, video or recipe. it's been a rough few weeks. i actually thought about taking my blog down because it was so boring. the panic attacks just got to be too much to handle. and i was at the point where i could not leave the house. even when i took monkey to pre-school i was getting all freaked out to be 4 miles from home. so i bit the bullet and went to the doctor. now i'm not afraid of doctors, it's just that we don't have any insurance and no spare $$. so my mom told me that she would pay for it. (thanks mom!) and let me tell you i was a wreck! his office is no where near my house and it was really rough getting there. he was sooo sweet! i told him everything that had been happening and what my symptoms were and he told me i have seasonal affective disorder. usually it starts when the days become shorter, which is when we found out my father-in-law didn't have much longer to live. and then the holidays, which are always stressful, and the decision to home school big c and my body just couldn't take anymore. i don't think i really grieved enough for paul and really let myself be sad. i was really trying to be strong for my husband and my mother-in-law. never a good idea to try to brush stuff like that off.

so the super sweet doctor gave me an anti-anxiety drug and something to help me sleep. i haven't had to take the sleeping pills but the other drugs are working wonders. for the first week all i wanted to do was stay in bed. and that really stunk because i was getting depressed about neglecting my kids. which i'm sure i wasn't but still it felt like i was just ignoring them. thank goodness they are such sweet, good boys and big c especially was a huge help with his brother so i could get better. and boy do i feel better! i'm sure in a few more days i will feel really, really good. but for now i can leave the house without shaking, i can swallow without feeling like i'm going to choke and go for hours without worrying that i'm going to have another panic attack!

thank you for sticking by me in my down time. and for forgiving me for not visiting your blogs!! i will get right on that! :)

22 comments:

Crazymamaof6 said...

yay! i'm so glad you went to the DR. UGH! that is no fun! glad the meds are working! hope you feel ever better soon! yay! hugs! and really i am sending a prize someday soon i swear.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

Wow, that is a lot to have to deal with! I have a hard time getting out of the house when it is rainy season and it is a hard way for a mom to function with kids. I'm glad the medecine is helping.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Thank goodness you went to the doctor. Good job for taking care of yourself, and I hope the meds help out.

*hugs*

Spammon said...

Maybe you can replace all the lights in the house with UV lights. The bonus would be you could get a tan all day long in AND grow raspberries!

Melissa said...

I'm glad your feeling better and so glad your doctor gave you the help you needed!

Don't worry about catching up on the blogs...just do what you can!

kim said...

I promise never to take it personal if you don't visit my blog and you do the same for me, deal?

I'm so glad you are taking care of yourself. Sometimes it's hard to get back once stress gets you behind the 8 ball like that -- I'm glad your mom helped you out.

I'm sending emotional support vibes)))))))))))))))))))

Gustogirl said...

I am sorry that it has been a rough patch. I am glad that you have what you need to feel better! The person you gave to in the swap is having mail issues and she hasn't gotten your package yet. Apparently she often doesn't get everything she is supposed to(she lives in an apartment). She was feeling bad that she hasn't thanked you or anything, but also wanted you to know that if it got returned to you, it's not because of anything you did. If it comes back to you, she said you can mail it to her mom's address. Let me know the status and I hope you get your package soon too!! :)

Rob said...

Do NOT stress about visiting us! You have plenty of stuff on your plate already and the last thing you need to worry about is making sure you get to all of us!

We still love you even if you don't have time to come by and visit!

Did the doc prescribe any light therapy to go with the drugs?

Don Mills Diva said...

Oh Kay I am sorry you have been having such a hard time. I'm glad you got some help and I hope you feel better soon!

Betty said...

Hi Kay,

I have been missing your posts. I am glad you went to the doctor and got some help. I am sometimes boathered with depression, and I know it is no fun at all.

Welcome back to blogland.

Melek said...

i love you, sisser.

Jen said...

Your health and happiness is important to me. Your joy and friendship is like a tonic in my crazy life! Love you!

crystal said...

Drugs, good.
Suffering, bad.

I'm glad you went to the doc. Anxiety attacks can be debilitating; I'm sorry you are suffering from them. I had no idea. I'll be sending happy thoughts your way :)

And if you take your blog down, I'll hunt you down and force-feet you brussels sprouts.

Cecily R said...

I'm so glad you went to the doctor!! And I'm even more glad that treatment seems to be working. That's wonderful. :)

Femme au Foyer said...

Oh Girl...

I am *so glad* things are looking up. You're wonderful (ad your blog is NOT boring!)

Dancin Queen said...

There's something about this time of year. I always get the blues too. I'm glad that you're doing something about it though. Hope things cheer up for you. And I'm sorry about the news of your father in law.

SuperCoolMom said...

So glad you're back and that you didn't just let it go! You should come here and get some sun with Crazymama and I! Bring the boys and we'll play!

Don't stress about getting caught up, just do what you can! I've been thinking about you. I just figured you were busy with the homeschooling project. {{{HUGS}}}

The Mama Bear said...

I am very gald you saw the doctor and you are on the uphill road, it is never easy...I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder all of the time as well as clinical depression so I can really relate.

Greetings, I am Mama Bear of The Cafe at the End of the Universe Blog (http://cafeendofuniverse.blogspot.com/) and I have stopped by today to let you know you have found your way onto the Magnificent Mamas of the Universe Blogroll, joining numerous moms from throughout the blogosphere. You were selected because I have popped into your blog numerous times and find you to be a great contribution to the mom blogosphere. Please feel free to take one of the 4 specialty tags from the sidebar to add to your site. Welcome.
~ Penelope Anne

Susie said...

Yay! You got some help hooray!!!! I hope you feel better soon! My hubby deals with panic attacks and it's rough.
As far as blogging goes--I'm with Crystal--don't make me come over to NC and hunt you down!!! Seriously, I don't care if you read mine, I LOVE reading yours. AND I love to hear what song pops up when I get here--it's kind of like a little crystal ball for me to see if there is any meaning in my day.
OK I'm weird, but I love your blog, love your pics, recipes, and words--especially about washing machines and such--
Take care of you--!!!!!! And please you are not boring!
Now, what is our blogging motto?
bring me some more ice tea? No----- We're all.........you finish

Susie said...

Oh and BTW, just got Billy Idol--there's a story there--from back when I was a freshman in high school--love this blog!

Drewpy Drew said...

1. I'm glad you're feeling better.

2. Don't ever think about taking your blog down. I need all the friends I can get and you are super cool.

SuperCoolMom said...

Are you feelin' the Love????